Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
