Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
