thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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