A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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