My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
