I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
