Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
