I cannot find my penis.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How does one acquire holy water?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
