When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
