So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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