i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
