My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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