woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
