i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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