I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
