I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
