the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
