I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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