I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
