she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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