Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
