i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We left the knife in your bed.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
