babies were throwing up all over the place
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
