I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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