If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
