A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
