I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
