I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
