why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
They took my balls.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
