I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
