Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
