Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This is the high leading the old right now
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
