Dual....:-)
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
