just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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