Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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