the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
