I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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