I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
