ya dads aren't the best wingmen
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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