Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
