Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
