lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
