Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
