Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
