My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
