I just cut my nipple shaving
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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