obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
