Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
