i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Found the puke drawer
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
