Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
