I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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